


Love You From Afar

by Rusted_Crutches



Category: Cafe Cardamari Tales (Webcomic), Splatoon
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Crush, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre-Final Match, first person POV, love letter, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:50:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rusted_Crutches/pseuds/Rusted_Crutches
Summary: "At the time, I really wasn’t sure what was happening. I didn’t understand my feelings, and at first couldn’t put my finger on it. I was clueless. But now that I’ve gotten older I’ve realized some things about myself, and have come to understand who I am. And I know now what it was.A little crush.Or rather — the start of one."





	Love You From Afar

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Welcome to my Gaynst fic about Marian/Vadelma I binge wrote at 10 P.M yesterday! Got inspiration to write this after getting a little burnt out from working on 2 other fics behind the scene. This was quite refreshing, and I think it turned out pretty good. I'm not really that passionate of a Marian/Vadelma shipper tho, so I guess you'll have to be the judge of that ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Enjoy!

I remember the first day I met you. You came into my family’s cafe early one morning all by yourself. Wallet in hand and shaky but confident fists, it was your first time on an outing like this on your own. You looked so unsure of yourself.

No parents or friends to order for you, you sauntered up to the counter, clearly terrified, but unwilling to back down. I thought you were so adorable, puffed out cheeks and that confident look on your face. I almost lost it when your chin barely made it over the counter. It was so hard not to laugh. Not at you, just how cute the whole scene was.

You made it through your order flawlessly, not stuttering once. I could tell you were proud of yourself. Then, in no time at all, you were leaving out the door with your pastries. I must admit, a little part of me was disappointed to see you go so soon. You were so kind and respectful to both me and my family. We don’t get nearly as many nice and polite customers like you.

I couldn’t get my mind off you the rest of the work day. No matter what I did, I thought back to you. I thought about your kindness, how adorable your smile was. My brain was flooded with countless images of you.

At the time, I really wasn’t sure what was happening. I didn’t understand my feelings, and at first couldn’t put my finger on it. I was clueless. But now that I’ve gotten older I’ve realized some things about myself, and have come to understand who I am. And I know now what it was.

_ A little crush _ .

Or rather — the  _ start  _ of one.

You may find it strange, having a crush on a stranger you saw all of five minutes. Honestly I’m inclined to agree. To this day, I’m not really sure why I was so infatuated with you. But I was a young girl inexperienced with life and inexperienced with feelings. I hadn’t had a crush on  _ anyone  _ in my entire fourteen year old life, let alone another  _ girl _ . Maybe I was just excited to be experiencing these knew feelings for the first time. I don’t know.

Truthfully, while they did excite me, I never expected those feelings to last. And, well, that’s because I never expected to see you again. You hadn’t shown up after that day, and we get hundreds of customers.  Even if you did come in, it’s likely I would have missed you. And my feelings would have been forgotten to time. Lost in the wind.

But, there you were. Nearly two weeks later. Walking through the door with a hungry stomach, and money in your pocket. I must admit, I felt a wave of relief rush over me when I saw you. Then once more when I saw you again. Then again, again and again. 

You started to visit the cafe more and more frequently, and my feelings only grew each time I saw you. Secretly (and perhaps foolishly) I hoped you came there just for me.

You started talking to me during my weekly shifts when I had down time. Then you started to catch me on my breaks. Sometimes you even stopped for a chat when I was closing up. All together, we had talked for hours upon hours. We were getting to know one another, and even with my busy schedule, we managed to form a friendship.

...And that was somewhat of a problem.

‘Just friends’ I often told myself.

It wasn’t as if I were unhappy being friends with you. I was ecstatic to be in a relationship with you at all. I don’t know how heartbroken I would have been if you only came by the Cafe for a few days, and I never saw you again. I know I would have gotten over you if that was the case, but I'm more than glad that never happened. Being friends with you is wonderful, and I couldn’t ask for a better one.

But I wasn’t sure if my feelings for you were pointless or not. I wanted to know how you would take them, and I didn’t know what kind of people you liked. Did you like boys? Did you like girls? Both?  _ Neither _ ? I had no idea, and it constantly worried me.

I’m not sure why.

Up until this point, I never really saw you more than a crush (and my best friend of course). I never planned to tell you how I felt. I never thought about what it would be like to be with you. I never wanted it to get this far… But then, one day, we were sitting together at a table eating together during my break. We were eating in silence, enjoying each other's company. Then you said something that caught me off guard.

“Hey, ‘Delma, do you think it’s weird... to like girls? Like, if you’re a girl too, I mean.”

You seemed confused. Like you were looking to me  _ specifically  _ for an answer, and honestly, I didn't really know myself. I hadn’t told anyone about my own feelings I was having, and it wasn’t something I was ever really exposed to. I knew it was a thing, but I never saw anything about it.

So I just shrugged and answered honestly “I don’t see why it would be. It’s just like boys liking girls, isn’t it?”

“R-really?” Your face lit up like a Squidmas tree. You look like someone just gave you the answer to life, 

“Why do you ask?”

I know now that it was a bit presumptuous and even pushy of me to put you on the spot like that. But I had to know. I had been wondering about this for weeks. I finally had a chance to get my answer. And I really didn’t want to miss it.

“O-oh, um—! I-I was just asking for a friend!”

You were such a horrible liar.

I kept my cool for the rest of the day. But that evening, I was more giddy than you could possibly imagine. I was up half the night squealing into my pillow with happiness. Maybe it was because I found someone else like me, and now I wasn’t alone. Maybe it was because I had a chance if I ever wanted to admit my feelings to you. It was probably both. I was  _ overjoyed _ .

A switch had flipped in me and I found myself wanting to peruse you. I  _ really  _ wanted to tell you how I felt. Let you know what I had been hiding all that time. ...But I was also conflicted.

We hadn’t known each other very long. Even my immature, inexperienced self could recognize things would be moving too fast if I told you right away. We needed to get to know each other more, know each other for longer. The last thing I wanted was you to step over an important boundary — considering I  _ just  _ found out you liked girls too.

So I waited patiently. Everyday I saw you, I acted like we were still only just becoming friends. I made sure I didn’t overstep my place as your friend. Learned so much about you I could write an essay on all your favorite things. We became closer and closer in the coming months. And eventually enough time had passed where I felt comfortable telling you.

When I decided on the day, I was beyond nervous. I was talking to myself in my mirror, getting my speech  _ just  _ right. I wanted it to be perfect, and I was so afraid I would fumble my words. Of course, I was afraid of rejection too. I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t return my feelings. And maybe I was even wrong about you liking girls too (I doubted it, and of course I was right), but I thought freezing up and missing the chance to confess to you was a worse outcome. After all, I knew we would still be friends even if you didn’t feel the same. And I was perfectly fine with that. I’d been fine with it since I first met you. 

You came into the cafe the next day, and I was buzzing with energy and excitement. I made you an extra special cake that day for you to try, and decided I would end my shift early so we could go to the park together. We never had the chance to hang out outside work before, and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to start.

However, my plans never came to be. I stayed on my regular shift and we didn’t go to the park. The cake I made you was dumped in the trash, forgotten. 

Because you weren’t alone that day.

You came with someone that crushed my dreams and my spirit.

You came in with your girlfriend.

You sauntered over to the counter with her, hand in hand. You were both smiling and absolutely radiant. You were the happiest couple I ever did see. I think if you too would have been someone else, I would have been absolutely touched by your love. But alas, you were Marian and she was your lover.

You introduced me to her. You were very excited to do so. Belladonna, her name. Charming. Apparently you two had been dating for two months. You had been in love with her since you first met in kindergarten. Though, apparently, you never had the courage to tell her how you feel.

...That is, until me.

That day you asked me if it was normal to like another girl. When I said yes, my answer encouraged you to further discover and be confident in your sexuality. Encouraged you to chase after love. Encouraged you to admit your feelings to your childhood sweetheart.

This was worse than rejection. Worse than unrequited love. In that moment, my heart split in two.

I was heartbroken.

But I fought through it. Hid my pain as I put on the best smile I could and congratulated you both. Belladonna seemed like a nice girl, and you two really fit together. I was happy for you. I was  _ proud  _ of you. I really was. I  _ really _ ,  _ really  _ was. ...But it was all over showed by other feelings. 

Jealousy, anger, resentment and hatred.  All towards Belladonna.

I felt like she  _ stole  _ you from me. Like she was hogging you all to herself to spite me. What had she done that made you love  _ her _ ? What could have I done to make you love  _ me _ ? These thoughts plagued me. It was horrible. I knew how wrong they were, and I felt so guilty.

I was forced to work with these feelings bubbling around inside my head. I was so hurt, but I wasn’t allowed to rest. Just another thing the universe took from me. The chance to mourn my loss, and going home to cry. It wasn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Everything hurt so much.

The next few weeks you came in, you were always with Belladonna. I couldn’t stand to be near her, I hated her so much. I started avoiding her as much as possible — and by extension, I avoided you too. I realized that, and I started to miss talking to you. But my negative feelings towards her overwhelmed my want to see you.

I eventually got over myself, of course. I was still a little bitter, and was disappointed with how things turned out, but my resentment towards Belladonna all but dissipated. Hating her was so exhausting, and I missed you so much. I couldn’t stand being in that state any longer.

So when I finally let my walls down and let myself talk to her... I got along with Belladonna decently well. We weren't best friends, but we enjoyed each others company somewhat. We never got in a fight or had a disagreement.

I thought our friendship was really good for what it was. That’s why I didn’t hesitate to join your turfwar team.  I thought it was a great idea, you, Belladonna and I fighting together. We’d be a strong team, and climb to the top — all as one!  _ These would be the best years of our lives. _

...

But they weren't... were they?

It was horrible. It was horrible for many reasons. We all suffered. We all cried more tears we ever thought possible. Our fun game turned into a chore we were forced to do. We lost our innocence — and our turf war licence. Some relationships were broken, and others formed. It was a messy few years overall.

...You and Belladonna even broke up.

Even after what she had done… after she had hurt and maimed someone so badly. So violently. I was so surprised when you ended it with her. I was beyond shocked. You two were so close for so many years. You belonged together. Destined to meet, destined to go far one day. _ Even I could see that _ .

At least, you used to be

...Though, I’m ashamed to admit I was kind of happy when you two were no longer a couple. It was only a very tiny part of me, but it was still there. Behind closed doors where I constantly locked it away, only for it to creep up behind me and show its ugly face again. I know that’s horrible, and I hate myself everyday for finding happiness in your misery. I feel the guilt. I understand it

...But even so, I’m not really surprised.

I never got over you. My feelings for you stayed strong throughout those years, and never once faded or diminish. Honestly I don’t even think 30 years of marriage between you two could have put them to rest. I know it’s ridiculous, but my heart’s stubborn. You were my first crush, and the first person I ever fell in love with. To this day my feelings haven’t left me. If anything, they only get stronger each passing day. And they'll continue to do so for years to come.

Ever since you and her went your separate ways, I’ve wanted to confess to you again. I missed my opportunity last time, and I have been given a second chance. A chance at a do over. A chance to go through with what I never did. I want to. I so badly want to tell you. It’s been three years since her, and you haven’t seen anyone else. You’re over her, and she hasn’t crossed your mind even once. It’s the perfect time to tell you. ...It’s been the perfect time to tell you for nearly two years.

But I know I may never will.

I write this letter ever few months, getting longer and more unnecessary each time. I’m inspired to print my feelings onto paper and finally get this over with. I even go as far as to put it in an envelope and seal it closed. Stamp it, and write down your name. ...But I always throw it out.

I can’t do it. I feel too guilty. You haven’t been with anyone since her. You haven’t looked for anyone either. When I think about that, I think about the pain you went through. How badly it must have messed you up for months, even years. And I understand why.

You aren’t ready for another relationship. You aren’t even ready for love again. All this would do to you is remind you of horrible times, and cause you more pain that you don’t deserve. It hurts to say, but things are better if I don’t act on my feelings.

I have come to accept things are better when I Love You From Afar.

**Author's Note:**

> YELL AT ME ON TUMBLR IF YOU ENJOYED 


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